It's not me. It's you.

classic kt moment.

I have a date tonight, but due to the bad cell phone reception I get at work, I have absolutely no idea who it is with.

posted by k. @ 8:39 PM 0 comments

Fine. I'll solve my own damn problems.

My apartment doesn't have heat, or cable, it rarely, if ever, has water pressure (sometimes, there's actually no water) and I kept bitching and moaning and trying to settle for a relationship in which someone (anyone) would provide heat/cable/running water for me. But that hunt, my friends, is officially over! (No, I didn't find someone to date me. Seriously now.)

I joined a gym!

Each cardio machine has a flat screen tv attached to it, the heat works, and the showers work. I have all the Sportscenter and Carolina games I've ever wanted. And no, I am not above standing still on an elliptical trainer with a bag of cheetos for an entire basketball game.

Its the best solution ever. We are in a legally binding committed relationship. What's even better, is that the gym can't ask me about my feelings, I can't find his last girlfriend on the internet, and I'll never have to explain to the gym that making out with his best friend was an honest-to-goodness accident, it could have happened to anyone, and I don't see why he's still so mad.

posted by k. @ 10:03 PM 0 comments

If it moves, I'll adopt it.

Someone in our backyard is eating Moby's organic chicken/duck/flaxseed/oatmeal/fresh cranberry cat food that I put outside for the stray kitty I found last week. However, I haven't seen the stray kitty again since I started feeding it, raising the question that plagues the mind of every serial animal adopter. "Am I feeding an adorable hungry kitty cat, or a less adorable, but equally hungry giant rat?"

I guess I'll know for sure when I go out back and find a rat with a shiny coat, clean teeth, and a well-functioning urinary tract.

Also, we feed our cat organic chicken/duck/flaxseed/oatmeal/fresh cranberry cat food. These are all foods that I do not eat because they are too expensive. There's a double standard here in Brooklyn.

posted by k. @ 11:57 AM 0 comments