You know that moment, when you're sitting by yourself at home, and suddenly out of nowhere you are about to burst into tears. You don't know why, maybe you're sad, maybe Hallmark made another one of their over the top emotional commercials. You didn't think you were sad, but maybe you are and you just didn't notice until now. Then you remember the mistake at work today, the broken coffee mug last week, and soon everything that has caused you to worry all month comes to mind at once. Work, friends, family, terrorism, radiation, eggs from caged hens. At this time, there is only one thing to do, and you've gotta do it fast before the real waterworks start and you're in the bathroom screaming I DID MY BEST!!!* Rush to your computer and type in www.cuteoverload.com. Its true. Baby animals are like kryptonite to needless self-pity tears.
*You must watch Dane Cook's stand up special "Ring of Fire" if, for some unfortunate reason, you don't understand that line.
Today's Little Known Fact About Katie: Contrary to popular belief, cats are not in fact my favorite animal. Cats don't even hold a candle to my crazy-over-the-top-love for BUNNY RABBITS. (cats just make better housepets.)
So now, because I just burst into tears for absolutely no reason, are pictures of baby bunnies.
I had a bunny like these ones . . . they're half-lops which means one ear lops, and they other doesn't. (Don't you hate when only one ear will lop?)
Are Men Necessary? Maureen Dowd asks in the (amazingly wonderful) book I am reading right now. As I write this, there are two men at Home Depot, finding a replacement faucet for my shower. I don't even have to finish the book.
Also - we don't have hot water in our shower, causing me to have flashbacks to my ill-fated trip to Russia where I spent a month heating bath water one quart at a time in a hot pot. Please Brooklyn, stop with the Russia flashbacks.
If the faucet doesn't get fixed, I'm getting a 2-week trial membership to New York Sports Club just for their showers. Its a better option than the hotpot. and it comes with spinning classes!
Moby just threw (what remained of) the full-length mirror on the ground. Apparently, I'm not supposed to own a mirror. its officially back to checking myself out in the subway.
(Moby threw a tv on my leg at 4 o'clock this morning as well.) (yes, like an actual tv.)
We had a lovely day yesterday, celebrating the start of over-the-top christmas season in manhattan. I think i had forgotten that now that i live here, i get to celebrate every single gosh darned minute of abundant cheer, window displays, and christmas tree lightings.
Most excitedly, I finally purchased the two items that were most notably missing from our lovely home-- (no, not a living room. if only bed bath & beyond sold living rooms.) a full-length mirror and a toaster. No more soggy bread for me! I thought. No more checking my outfit in the reflection on the subway every morning, when it is too late to go back and find a pair of pants that look decent! It was an exciting moment.
Then came the task of taking a full-length mirror and a toaster home on the subway. Naturally, I got stuck in the subway turnstile at the 6 ave. station. Good and stuck, half way through. I stopped to consider the situation, gingerly watching the angle of my huge mirror, the turnstile handles, and my stuck self. I was trying to work out whether i need to inch forward or backward to solve my situation when suddenly out of nowhere a man rushed over to help. Before I could say anything he impulsively PUSHED realllllly hard on the mirror. A MIRROR! stuck in a subway turnstile. WHY WOULD YOU PUSH ON IT? A deafening crack was instantly heard as the mirror I had waited six months to own shattered. "Its ok." I told the man glumly, sounding like Eeyore who had lost his tail, now free from the turnstile to take the broken remainder down the stairs with me.
We're in better shape now than we were before. Now I can check my top half in one mirror, than rush out into the hall and look at my bottom half there, in the over-the-door-broken-mirror leaned gingerly against the wall.
extra teeth, extra ribs, extra . . . right. nevermind. i'm so evolutionarily flawed its truly amazing i don't have a tail. (oh my god! what if i had a tail?!)
so if no one is willing to date me so i can gain access to college basketball games on digital cable, is there at least someone with dental insurance who wants to marry me? my wisdom teeth need to come out, asap. they hurt a lot, and its going to be really expensive on my health care plan.
also, i hate the dentist with a passion undying, so if your dental insurance covered the kind that puts you under general anesthesia while you were still outside their office that would be really great.
I can't say I haven't been doing quite well for myself in this city. (I do have diamond earrings and a business card.) But still I just can't help feeling that I'm missing that special something. So, here it is, my personal ad posted on the internet.
Attractive* man* sought, for deeply romantic* relationship. (Specifically, December through early April.) Must have digital cable and DVR. Your interests should include college basketball, brooklyn lager, girls who mooch.
Welcome back. Let's start with some complaint letters to major corporations.
This terrible commercial for the Dodge Nitro depicts this car as being such a high power car that it blows a smaller car into the air when it tries to give it a jump. This is, obviously, irrational and not funny, but also is overly reminiscent of the VBIEDs which are injuring and killing American troops.
We currently have over 100,000 service men and women serving our country in Iraq and in Afghanistan where vehicles are exploded every day. To have an American car company making a joke and a sport out of this is to try and sell a car is extremely offensive to the military and to their families.
Go HERE and tell Dodge that they MUST pull that stupid and disturbing ad as soon as possible.
I had a bunny like these ones . . . they're half-lops which means one ear lops, and they other doesn't. (Don't you hate when only one ear will lop?)
