Why I'm Breaking Up With You
The following is from a GoCard advertising Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty (Tuesdays on the Oxygen Network. . . there that ought to eliminate any copyright problems they have.) Its a postcard that you send, and check all that apply. I thought I would provide it here in a handy printable form for internet visitors. (I grabbed several of the cards, so I'm covered through the next 4 or 5 awkward break-ups . . . or early November.)Dear __________,
I'm breaking up with you because you
__ lie
__ cheat
__snore loudly
__fart loudly
__don't read
__are too nice
__flip your collar
__suck
__never hold my hand in public
__say "that's funny" instead of laughing
__fear commitment
__fear spiders
__forgot my birthday
__think the G-spot is a new bar
__are dumb as a brick
__rarely "rise to the occasion"
__have no sense of humor
__are a wuss
__bite your toenails
__suck your teeth after dinner
__wear capris
__are a hairdresser
__don't have a job
__don't have a car
__can't kiss
__don't trim
__play too much golf
__wear socks and sandals at the same time
__did time
__make animal noises during sex
__say "boo-yeah!"
__sing badly
__skip
__call your mom your "first girlfriend"
__flirt with my sister
__flirt with my brother
__don't return the favor
__drink from the milk carton
__talk about the exes too fondly
__miss the toilet
__take the fun out of everything
__talk with your mouth full
__collect toys
__colect dust
__are not funny
__practice karaoke
__whine
__own a pocket mirror
__can't dance
__can dance
__think I'm your mom
__laugh when you shouldn't
__ refer to yourself in the third person
__never do the dishes
__wear my clothes
__fake tan
__shed
__make me pay
__never fight
__looked at the waitress
__are too much like my dad
__haven't told your friends
__let yourself go
__think I'm your slave
__are full of yourself
__want to swing
__bitch too much
__stop too soon
__are a vegetarian
__don't get along with my friends
__were a rebound
__stayed out all night with your guys and said you would call but never did even though I expressly asked you to
__have no filter
__call them "ta-tas"
__wear tank tops
__like to "experiment"
__high-five after everything
__are lame
__ make me sick
__micromanage
__drink wine coolers
__never say I'm pretty
__just don't get it
Have a nice life,
____________
posted by k. @ 3:43 PM
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